5 Ways to Experience Calm
By Dharamjot 

It always feels good to be in control of our words and actions without having the surprise of some erratic shouting, shutdown silence or slamming of a door. This type of reaction can be fast and happens without any thought. Can you relate? So where does it come from and how can it be changed?

I was not fully aware that I had these reactions in me until I was married and with kids. Relationships can push buttons and when I am triggered I can see patterns forming. As a yoga teacher I would love to spend my time in a cave meditating or peacefully on a retreat. Both are places where I would not encounter any triggers and enjoy the bliss of meditation! Ok – so now back to reality – modern day family life!

Yes, I do get triggered by my partner and children and sometimes for good reason. However, there are times that I have gone from zero to explosion which creates fallout including a spiral of guilt and shame. I was in survival mode. So, very quickly I became interested in ways to heal what causes these reactions so I could feel calm, composed and talk to the people I love with care and respect.

Here are a few areas that have helped me to be more present and respond instead of react. I have become a practitioner in the various modalities to create change and share what works with others:

Patterns – I began to notice patterns that were in my family and how my parents reactions were playing out in my own family. I could see that I was holding lots of expectations that didn’t really serve my current moment or situation. I explored these patterns with Family & Systemic Constellations and with acknowledgment, sacred order and compassion I was able to shift my perspective and drop some limiting expectations to bring a shift in the way we all related in our family.

Inflammation – I was overweight and had a preference for all things sugary. At that stage I was over reactive because my body was inflamed, my temper short and I was tired. I looked at my nutrition and completed a 90 Day WILDFIT challenge that allowed me to nourish myself with good food and take a break from sugar. Life became a lot calmer and my joyful energy returned and emotional eating stopped. I could run and play with my children without feeling tired.

Trauma – Our trauma can be from times we don’t even remember. Just being born can be a traumatic event that carries on in our bodies for our entire lives. When I completed The Richards Trauma Process (TRTP) so many of the triggers that I experienced in my relationships simply vanished it felt like a miracle. When the trauma or the experience of a distressing event is healed and we feel safe the body returns to calm. What a huge relief! Prior to TRTP I did not identify with any trauma as I was just living a normal life but I now recognise that may not have been the case as I changed some of my unconscious beliefs.

Meditation and yoga – relieves stress and helps me feel calmer. While for me it didn’t get to the root cause, meditation does bring relief and allows me to safely deepen my inquiry and experience life from a less reactive place.

Being present – Overthinking is something that will not solve whatever issue is on my mind and when I do go down the overthinking path I miss all the good, the joy, the warmth in my life. Gestalt therapy and being present with my mind, body and spirit helps me restore alignment with a deep understanding of the parts of myself that are screaming to be seen.

You may be able to relate to one of the things I have shared with you in this blog and I encourage you to start there. The journey to wellness is unique and the pace is set by you. I have been exploring all the things I have shared here for 15 years  and I have also tried many others that did not suit me. Honour your unique journey.

I have the desire to feel less triggered and that is where I can help you with my experience to help heal your triggers so you can feel calm and safe to respond with joy, strength, courage, wisdom or however you feel is appropriate because it is your choice. It certainly feels great to have that choice. It really is a process that takes you from Surviving to Thriving.

Find out more about Dharamjot’s upcoming 7 week course on Surviving to Thriving here.